Dreams and desires can be one day and not the next.
When did you stop dreaming? When did anything become impossible?
LIFE
The word "life" in our english grammar is a noun. However, we tend to make it a verb quite often. More so when we are talking about "life" happening and getting in the way of our dreams or our emotional state. Used as a verb, "life" becomes so powerful and carries negativity. A word that is meant to flourish becomes a word that stagnates.
Back in March, I lost my sister and best friend, Arely. The very things that made me get on to her....are the very things I miss. Don't think I have ever known someone who loved life so much. All the details, long talks, pranks, and every day routines are all things I miss. Arely imprinted my life with her infectious laugh, sense of humor, and giving heart. Her love for life and acceptance of herself has empowered me to step forward into the fear that will fuel me to go forward. She taught me so much with her words but more by her silence.
I stood at the edge of the ocean and cried out to God because the pain was more than I could bare. How could someone so full of life----flourishing---make everyone beam with delight---giving---upbeat---and true......be taken. Taken from this world and taken from my everyday life????? I yelled out as if someone would answer me. I cried as if no one was present. Yet with every crashing wave, every sea gull's call, with every spray of water, the wet sand beneath my feet and the mighty rushing wind that blew across my face......I knew He was present. God in that moment allowed me to fall apart.
As I cried and could cry no longer, I found myself. Not that I was physically or spiritually lost.....but lost in the sense of a girl who use to laugh, use to dream, use to give, use to embrace each day with a purpose.....had allowed "life" to happen. Everything I had experienced along the way up to that point had set deep root in me. All of those experiences-good, successful, bad, trying(more than not) had severed my life line. I no longer lived my life. I allowed life to happen to me and define me. I stood still and I realized for the very first time in a long time.....I was present. I was aware. I was engaged. I was grateful. I could feel my every breath and feel my every heart beat. Whoa!!!! Life......so real. For hours I sat and just took in all of God's creation and sat in complete silence. It was then that decided I would choose to LIVE life and not allow it to happen to me or pass me by.
It was from that moment on that I decided to accept myself. All that I am and all that I am not. All of my dreams and desires. And all of my poor choices and all of shortcomings.....it was ME. All of me....take it or leave it. Love me or hate me. Embrace me or pass me by. Hire me or don't hire me. Take my class or don't take my class. And all the in between. Here I am. Present and savoring life in every moment that God graces me.
It was then that my dream and God's desire for my life was to help women of all ages see themselves in His perfect light-to embrace all of who they are right in this moment-to rekindle those dreams-to help birth new dreams-to be gentle-to be sweet-to be true-to be transparent-to be real-to be fierce-to lead-to ignite & burn brightly in their communities and in their families. I am so excited to feature a woman and her story every Friday in blog feature....EMERGE.
